How many times have we come across people and noticed they're on some kind of diet to lose weight? How many times have we sat at the lunch table, or talked with friends, and the conversation turned to "losing weight" and everyone's wish to look and feel better? Some of the most common lines we hear are: "I have a wedding at the end of the month, I want to lose 5 kilos so the dress looks good on me," or "All my friends are thin, I need to lose weight too so I feel like I belong, because otherwise I feel so out of place." These phrases, and others like them, show just how strong the desire is to change how we look and how we feel about ourselves. And honestly, it's a beautiful thing to want to become a better version of yourself — it builds confidence, self-satisfaction, and better health.
But the more important question is: what is the real driving force, the true motivation, behind this big change you want to make? And when we ask this question — whether to a new client, a friend, or even to ourselves from time to time — the answer, more often than not, comes out something like this:
- To be accepted by others and be like them
- To look better so people compliment me and say, "Wow, look how good that dress looks on her" or "look at his body now"
- Because years ago, someone told me I was fat and didn't look good, and "I want to prove them wrong"
- So I can look like a certain model
- To attract more compliments from the opposite sex and feel desired
And rarely, very rarely, does the answer sound like this:
- To be healthier
- To feel more confident and at peace in my own body, because it's my first home
- Because taking care of my health and body is the gateway to discipline and commitment in every other area of my life
And honestly, this is a sad thing — when your main motivation is something external, because the moment that external thing disappears or passes, the desire to change disappears with it, and you no longer feel the need to become the best version of yourself. And worse than any external factor is other people's opinions and approval. If you're someone who draws their worth, energy, and sense of satisfaction from other people, you are, without a doubt, on the fast track to dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and failure.
I say this from a lot of personal experience, because I used to be one of those people who, back when I was younger, drew their self-worth from what others said about them. One of the biggest reasons I wanted to lose weight was to be "like everyone else, if not better," and to prove wrong the people who criticized me — to show I could "become something they said I couldn't." And I really did reach my goals and get my results. But I also discovered things I never expected.
And that is: satisfaction starts and lives inside each of us, regardless of our shape, weight, color, gender, religion, or status. Some people have very little, yet their contentment with themselves makes you feel like they're walking this earth like royalty. And some people have soooo much, yet their bitterness, lack of satisfaction, and constant complaining make you want to pull away — you don't even want their company or to hear what they have to say.
And I also discovered that loving my body, myself, my health, and my whole being has to always be my true motivation for wanting to become better, in any area of life. If I want to improve how I look or improve my health, that's for me. If I want to learn more and grow my mind, that's for me. If I want to grow in my work and learn more of what brings me joy and lights up my heart, all of that comes from loving myself, and nothing else. And when I love myself, grow, and enrich who I am, that richness naturally spills over onto everyone I touch in this fleeting life. Because I am my kindness, my good actions, my words, how gently I treat others, the smile that leaves something beautiful behind in people's hearts, and how accepting I am of others. All of this is what truly raises my worth.
And one thing that really stood out to me, and changed how I see the people around me and life in general, is that there exists a type of person in this world — and I truly pray from my heart that God grants them healing, peace, and ease of mind — who seem almost programmed to see only the negative in life and fixate on everything bad. And if they can't find something bad, they'll invent it, believe it, spread it, and blow it out of proportion. All they know how to do is complain. If you have a flaw, they'll pick at it. If you fix it, they'll find something else to talk about. And if you improve yourself until you shine like gold, they'll say your shine hurts their eyes. So please, please, never chase the approval and acceptance of this kind of person, because it is truly an impossible goal, and a complete waste of your time and energy.
Always remember that you are someone of real, high value, and no one can replace that or add to the world what you specifically add to it. You are one of a kind — no matter how hard anyone else tries, no one else can ever become you, and you can never become someone else. Don't shrink your own worth by comparing yourself to others, or by trying to become like them. If that were the point, we would all have been created identical.
And let every decision and every choice you make in this life serve you, and no one else. Be better than you were yesterday, and don't look at anyone else, because every one of us is writing our own unique story. Be your own motivation, your own drive, your own inspiration — and you'll find life more beautiful, deeper, and at the same time simpler than you ever imagined.